


Can't play if you don't know the rules.

by I_Reject_Reality



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Good Guy Forrest Long, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24830248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Reject_Reality/pseuds/I_Reject_Reality
Summary: Forrest long was officially dating Alex Manes, the struggle was convincing Alex to publicly come out and he had done that. So it should be relatively smooth sailing for here on out...... Right?Enter Michael Guerin, the handsome curly haired cowboy that appears to share a deep connection with his new lover. He wants to start a life with Alex but is there room for him?
Relationships: Forrest Long/Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 10
Kudos: 170





	Can't play if you don't know the rules.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone i'm back!!  
> I know it's been a while and i'm sorry I still owe you a third chapter of "Making it right." Funnily enough I sat down with the intentions of writing it and this happened instead (Shrug.)  
> Whats more this was meant to be a quick one shot but before i knew it it was 18 pages and i'm not sure what happened with my life lol.  
> Anyway I hope you enjoy, comments and kudos make me happy and eager to please so i write faster lol. Hit me up on Twitter @OriginalGroupi or just come talk all things Malex with me.  
> Kisses.  
> Jo

Forrest was not a full of himself sort of guy but he would like to think of himself as a fairly smart guy, educated, sensible and level headed. 

So, he had to ask himself why he would risk getting involved with someone that was so obviously still hung up on his ex? 

To begin with he could get away blaming not knowing he guessed, the brief moments where he had shared the same space with Alex and Michael Guerin he sensed the tention obviously but as Michael had a girlfriend when he met Alex he could chalk it up to maybe Alex having a one sided crush. After all, with Alex not being out it never occurred to him there would be an ex lurking in the shadows. 

Then he listened to Alex song and realised he was wrong there was an ex, one that was important enough to write deep, present tense music about. Forrest supposed this should have been his first warning however when Alex told him it was a long time ago and finally kissed him, he forgot all about it. 

He liked Alex a lot, he was hot, sexy, caring, witty, smart and they had lots in common, from the time they served to music and art. The only reason he hadn't pursued him more aggressively straight away was Alex’s hang ups over his sexuality and now that seemed to be a non-issue Forrest was all in for this man. 

It was easy and fun with Alex, no drama, Forrest was a freewheeling type of guy and Alex was strongly independent and liked his own space the total opposite of clingy and needy which suited Forrest perfectly. Their dating life was filled with fun dates, interesting conversation and great sex. Yep it was early days for them yet but he could totally see himself falling totally in love with this guy someday. 

The realisation that there would maybe be a problem with that didn’t come all at once, it was subtle at first. If it wasn’t for the fact he had already got subtle vibes from Michael and Alex previously he may have missed it but the fact he was now dating Alex made him pay a little more attention. 

Like the time in the Crashdown when they were having lunch and Alex paused mid-sentence and seemed to lose his train of thought. Forrest turned to see what Alex was now so fixated on that it had made him completely forget what he was saying. All he saw was Michael who had entered the diner with his signature swagger which only someone who had no idea they had a swagger could pull off. Michael’s eyes appeared to scan the tables as if he was looking for someone before he spotted Alex and him. 

The only way to describe the look was pure intense heat which was currently aimed at the guy Forrest was currently dating. Forrest was almost scared to look at Alex for what he would see and when he finally did risk a glance, he wish he didn’t because that fire was exactly mirrored on Alex face. 

It was as if the rest of the diner had dimmed leaving just the two of them, making everything fade to just dull background interference including Forrest himself. Forrest had no idea how long the exchange took only that it was longer than he was comfortable with before Michael seemed to shake himself out his trance and make his way over to a corner booth which was occupied by his brother and sister. 

Forrest looked back to Alex who appeared to slightly shake his head before starting another topic of conversation, the one before Michael had walked into his eyeline clearly lost. Forrest then remembered hearing Alex mention on the phone to Liz that Michael and Maria had broken up, at the time he hadn't thought anything about it but after the exchange he had just witnessed he had a sinking feeling he could guess what one reason for that may be. 

If Forrest was smart, he would have followed Maria’s example right then however Alex was smiling at him in that cute way so Forrest decided a couple of heating looks between his boyfriend and another guy was a stupid reason to give up on something so good so he tried to forget about it. This however was hard because these exchanges appeared to happen whenever the pair appeared to occupy the same space. Forrest often wondered if the presence of others in these moments was the only thing keeping the pair from snapping and letting that fire consume them both. 

**** 

Another example was the time the whole gang turned up to Alex’s house one evening with a crisis. It was clear when they all filed into Alex’s living room that they had not banked on Forrest being there. He certainly had not banked on them crashing his and date night with Alex or more to the point him having to play third wheel on his own date night as Alex and Michael looked at each other like starving men would look at a steak. 

Forrest again did his best to ignore it, he knew what he saw but how do you try and tell a guy you have only been dating a couple of months that you don’t like the way he looks at another guy? Because currently as far as he could tell that’s all it was looks. 

Forrest did not have to wonder for long why their group had crashed his date, he should have known really. Since not long after they started dating, he discovered just how much Alex and his friends were into government conspiracy and alien stuff. It had confused Forrest at first as Alex didn’t seem like the type to be one of the UFO nuts that frequented Roswell not to mention a man in the Air Force who seemed to always be trying to prove the government was up to no good seemed off to him. However, Forrest figured as a guy that researched Nazi’s he wasn’t really one to judge. There was always a lot of secrets that frequented that group and Forrest always had the feeling that he had in no way got the full story as always. He always hoped that Alex would open up to him about them so he could get the full picture something he had confronted Alex about but Alex had made it clear that the secrets were not his to tell. 

So, the group had come to some sort of agreement about Forrest that although they would not demand he leave whenever they started talking about this stuff and hell sometimes if he felt he could contribute with only half a picture he could he was in no way in the in crowd. 

Forrest followed the current conversation as best he could, there was a lot of technical talk that was totally over his head from Liz, Michael and Alex but the gist of the conversation was that they needed to get into a certain government facility to destroy information. Forrest shook his head because it sounded like crazy talk to him but he kept silent. After a little more discussion and argument about who would carry out this crazy mission Alex rose from his seat next to Forrest on the sofa and spoke calmly but firmly addressing the group. 

“Look we can argue this all night but as I'm the only one with clearance for the building and the only one that can hack their computer system it has to be me and only me, I'm going alone.” 

Ok Forrest didn’t like the sound of that and he was about to say so but he didn’t get a chance. 

A glass next to Michael exploded in a loud crash spraying water and glass all over the kitchen which was odd because Forrest had not seen him move to touch it. Everyone in the room apart from Michael jumped including himself, Liz and Maria both letting out small shrieks of surprise. 

“Over my fucking dead body.” 

Michael snarled out in a deadly tone. 

The room went silent for a beat while Forrest’s brows rose practically into his blue hairline at the passionate outburst. Yeah, he had no idea about Alex and Michael’s history but it seemed there was quite the story. 

He glanced to Alex who seemed to be unfazed by the reaction, if anything he looked like he was expecting it from the slight sigh he gave. Forrest looked back to Michael in time to see Max place a hand on his brothers' arm, uttering a quiet “Michael don’t.” in warning. 

Michael shrugged his brother off him before stomping forward and stopping right in front of Alex, he opened his mouth to speak again but Alex beat him too it. 

“It will be if I don’t do this.” 

Alex spoke calmly and didn’t even flinch at the angry cowboy currently invading his personal space, if anything he stood up taller and took on a more defiant stance. This was quickly becoming quite the showdown with neither party looking like they would ever be willing to back down as they silently stared each other down. Forrest was getting uncomfortable, there it was again that intense heat between the two, if anything the pairs obvious frustration with each other only seemed to fan the flames. If this was a cheesy romance it would be at this moment that they would snap and start tearing each other's clothes off Forrest thought with a twist in his stomach. 

Max broke the silence his voice calm as he addressed Michael like you would a mad man waving a gun. 

“Alex is right Michael he’s the best man for the job.” 

Michael whipped round to face his brother, even from where Forrest was sitting, he could see the cowboy practically vibrate in anger. His tone was biting as he spoke and Forrest almost expected Max to shrink back from it. 

“Would you say that if it was Liz we were sending in there alone?” 

There were several gasps throughout the room but Forrest barely registered them as the words from Michael rocked him, or more to the point the words that hadn't been said but was clearly indicated. 

“What if it was someone you loved?” 

The silence was deafening and Forrest once again felt he was the only one who had not been let into a secret although a very different one this time. He could no longer deny what was blatantly obvious, that Alex and Michael had a history and it looked far from being in the past. 

He glanced over the Max who opened his mouth a couple of times then closed it like he had no idea how to even answer that. Luckily, he was saved the trouble when Alex spoke calmly but in a tone that gave no room for argument. 

“Look this is not a big deal, I have the right clearance and for me it’s a five-minute job, I'll be in and out before anyone is any the wiser leaving no trance I was even there, it's not the big drama your making it out to be.” 

As soon as Alex has begun talking Michael had turned to face him again and Forrest saw him open his mouth clearly ready to argue with Alex some more. He didn’t get the chance though because just as he did with Max Alex got in there before him. 

“I’m not asking your permission Guerin.” 

The two men stared each other down again like they were daring the other to make a move, after a few beats Michael appeared to shake himself, his voice was cold and his words even colder. 

“Do what you want Alex, you always do.” 

With that Michael turned and stormed out, making the whole structure shake with the force he slammed the door. Forrest looked to Alex who had visibly flinched but whether it was from Michael's words or the harsh bang of the door in the silence Forrest wasn’t sure. 

Everyone in the room remained in uncomfortable silence which Forrest racked his brains for a way to subtly end as he watched Alex stare at the door Michael had vacated through with a sadness that Forrest longed to understand. It was Isobel who ended up breaking it, her voice ringing out in the silence of the room. 

“Well that escalated.” 

Forrest liked this girl; it may not have been subtle but it did the trick as several people rolled their eyes at her like it was such an Isobel thing to say. 

Forrest looked back to Alex who seemed to be just shaking himself out the trance he was in. He cleared his throat and addressed the group though his voice sounded slightly rough like he was working to keep it casual. 

“I’ll get this done tomorrow, Isobel, Max keep him in your sights all day so he doesn’t do something stupid, I'll make contact when it's done so you can tell him.” 

With that Alex stiffly walked towards the bathroom signally to the others that the discussion was over prompting them to all file out Alex’s home as the bathroom door closed and Forrest heard the lock click into place leaving Forrest alone. 

What the fuck had happened here? 

******* 

That night Forrest had decided to bite the bullet, he liked Alex a lot but the more he saw him and Michael together the more he was concerned he had stumbled into the middle of something he had no business being in the middle of. Like he had taken a wrong turn and wondered into somewhere where everyone would look up and stare at you because you were so clearly an outsider. Forrest was not loving the feeling so he figured he better find out where he stood before he got in any deeper than he already was. 

So, when Alex came out the bathroom ten minutes later hair damp and face fresh clearly having splashed it with water in an attempt the hide the emotions, he had clearly been going through in the bathroom. Forrest would have almost believed it too if it wasn’t for the red rimmed eyes. 

Alex had smiled and took a seat next to him picking up the remote to continue the movie they had been watching before they had been interrupted. Forrest figured there was no time like the present so he just blurted it out before Alex had managed to press play. 

“Was you and Michael ever a thing?” 

Alex froze the remote poised in the air and pointed at the TV as Forrest felt him go tense beside him. Silence stretched between them and Forrest was beginning to think he wasn’t going to an answer before Alex cleared his throat, putting the remote down on the arm of the sofa. His voice had a forced casualness to it though Forrest thought he heard a shake to it. He also hadn't failed to notice Alex was currently looking anywhere but at him. 

“Why do you ask?” 

Forrest would have snorted if he didn’t think it would have been cruel, but it was such a blatant stalling technique. 

“Because I want to know if I'm wasting my time here.” 

“There's nothing going on between me and Michael.” 

The words came far too quick to be sincere and Forrest held back an eye role. 

“Ok.” 

He replied as he watched Alex pull at a stray thread on his shirt like he was looking for anything to distract him from the current topic. 

“But I feel if I'm going to stick around and see more exchanges like today it may help to know what I'm dealing with.” 

Alex looked at him like he was contemplating how he should answer, he looked nervous and Forrest began to feel that nervousness himself, this seemed like it was a hell of a story. Alex then give him a small nod, Forrest wished he could say it was because he had seen in Forrest’s face he could open up to him but he thought it was more likely he felt backed into a corner. Alex took a deep breath and began to tell his and Michael’s story. 

It was quite the story as well, the stuff of romance novels really. Secret lovers from the age of 17 before Alex’s homophobic dad had caught them and broke Michael hand with a hammer before shipping Alex off to the air force. Snatched moments spanning more than ten years constantly becoming close to working it out but never close enough before they both decided to stop trying and try and move on. It was a beautiful story one that Forrest may route for if it wasn’t in his interest for it not to work. 

So many things made more sense now, Alex song and him and Michael’s intense meetings. If Forrest was smarter he may just have bowed out then, cut his losses and moved on but Alex was assuring him that he and Michael were not good for each other and he believed him, his intense want to believe Alex made him hang on in there smart or not. 

Defiantly not smart. 

*** 

It was a couple of weeks without incident, in fact he had not set eyes on Michael and Forrest assumed he was still sulking over his and Alex’s last encounter which was fine with him. 

That was until the whole gang once again turned up one morning while he was cooking breakfast with another crisis that Forrest had decided to not even try to understand. Suddenly Alex’s place turned into a superhero lair with Liz and Michael conducting some sort of science experiment at the kitchen table and Alex tapping away at his laptop. Forrest scribbled his own musings in his journal as he mourned the loss of his relaxing Sunday with Alex. 

This carried on for hours, way into the evening and the gang was still at it, whatever crazy stuff they were into they sure were dedicated Forrest thought with a pang of annoyance. Isobel suggested they order pizza and Forrest’s stomach growled in agreement, it had been a long time since breakfast and the group had hardly done anything but work even eating snacks and drinking coffee while working. Forrest had attempted on a couple of occasions to get Alex to take a break or even just distract him with conversation for a while but Alex had given him little to no response. He tried on several occasions during the day worried that while the others though working were still moving about Alex was sat glued to a computer screen, but he constantly got no joy. Forrest was beginning to realise with a slight tinge of affection that his new boyfriend had an extreme stubborn streak that would keep him on his toes. 

When the food arrived, Forrest helped Isobel to plate up as she called people to come get it. He was plating up two plates one for him and one for Alex when He felt someone come up beside him. He lifted his head to see Michael regarding him, he nodded in acknowledgement giving Michael permission to say what he clearly wanted to say. 

“Don’t take that plate over to him, you have to get him to come and eat with everyone else or he will carry on working and not touch it.” 

Michael nodded over to Alex and Forrest followed his line of vision to see that Michael was gesturing to the plate from breakfast and the 3 cups of coffee that surrounded Alex’s work area that Forrest was only seeing now was untouched. Forrest could have kicked himself, that meant that Alex had not ate or drank all day and he hadn't noticed, but Michael had. A non-rational part or him felt a pang of resentment at that. Forrest shook that thought out his mind, after all he had tried several times today to get Alex to take a break. A fact Forrest voiced to Michael with a hint of exasperation 

“I have tried so many times today to get him to take a break, no luck.” 

Michael rolled his eyes, his tone holding his own dose of exasperation. 

“Watch and learn new boy because this is something that you will need to do often. 

“Forrest watched as Michael stomped over to Alex, stopping in front of him until Alex had no choice but to look up and acknowledge him. He saw Alex’s surprise at seeing who it was. Once Michael seemed satisfied, he had Alex’s attention he spoke in a tone that in Forrest’s opinion left no room for argument. 

“Alex you have five seconds to leave the computer and come eat with the rest of us before I take scissors to the power cord, got it?” 

Forrest scoffed in amixture of amusement and disbelief, no way this would work as stubborn as Alex was right? 

Alex raised his chin defiantly. 

“I’m fine.” 

Michael raised his eyebrow in challenge, sparking a highly entertaining back and forth between the two. 

“four seconds Alex, your choice.” 

“I’m nearly done.” 

“Three.” 

“I’m not a child you can't just....’ 

“Two.” 

Michael picked up a large pair of scissors off the kitchen counter. 

“For fuck sake Guerin.” 

“One.” 

Michael opened the scissors and bent taking the power cord in his other hand and placing it between the blades. Forrest winced and braced himself in preparation. 

“Fine.” 

Alex gritted out, leaning back in his chair and throwing a scowl in Michael’s direction. 

Michael straightened up and put the scissors down, flashing Alex a smirk of victory without saying anything. Forrest was impressed, even more so when Alex began to raise to his feet like he was going to do as Michael had asked. 

Alex rose to his feet but began to stumble, Forrest started forward in a panic but he knew it would make no difference, he was too far away to reach Alex to steady him. Michael was right there though and he reached out both hands quick as a flash and placed them on Alex’s elbows to steady him, Alex’s name slipped from Michael’s lips full of panic, conveying what Forrest felt. 

“I’m fine.” 

Alex said quickly, though he noticed he didn’t pull away from Michael rather lean in to him for support. 

“I’m just stiff from sitting for so long.” 

Michael rolled his eyes and his voice was scolding when he spoke but his hold on Alex was gentle and unwavering. 

“That and the fact you haven't ate or drank all day so are likely dehydrated and have low blood sugar.” 

Alex ignored the statement, likely because he couldn’t argue it but he straightened up allowing Michael to let go so he could support himself. Alex shifted his weight on to his prosthetic and Forrest noticed the wince of pain. 

From the flash of worry that crossed Michael’s face he had seen it too, he stepped forward like he wanted to steady Alex again before thinking better of it, maybe realising he hadn't the right and dropping his hands to his sides. His voice sounded harsh as he spoke but now Forrest clearly saw it masked the deep care under it. 

“Why do you even have that thing on Alex your sitting round your house, your more comfortable without it so why wear it when you don’t need to?” 

Forrest had in honesty thought the same thing earlier when he saw Alex fix the leg in place but he in no way felt it was his place to question it yet. 

Alex didn’t answer but his eyes darted to the living room where his friends were sitting and eating, paying no attention to the ex-lovers now the drama with the scissors had passed. Forrest saw Michael’s eyes soften in understand and this time when he spoke it was gentler. 

“They don’t care, for Christ sake they know Alex it's not like they think it grew back.” 

It sounded so harsh for such a sensitive topic and Forrest expected Alex to be hurt by it so he was surprised when Alex snorted in laughter before making his way over to the living room and sitting down next to Forrest flashing him a smile. Forrest beamed back even as the uneasy feeling about Alex and Michael’s exchange settled in his gut. Forrest handed him a plate of food and Alex took it and began to eat with vigour obviously only just realising how hungry he really was. 

Michael walked over to them and shook a bottle of pills at Alex to get his attention, Alex frowned and opened his mouth clearly about to argue but Michael spoke first. 

“Your clearly in pain Alex take the pills.” 

They make me sleepy.” 

Alex attempted in weak argument. 

“And its 10.00pm, its nearly bedtime a perfect time to be sleepy.” 

Alex sighed but still reached out to take the bottle of pills and water Michael held, Michael waited while Alex took them before he finally left Alex’s side and went to sit down between Max and Isobel. 

Forrest looked to Michael but his attention was still on Alex and by the way Alex was looking back he was aware, Forrest wondered what could possibly be the problem now? Alex had left his computer and was relaxing and eating and drinking with friends what else was there? Forrest realised what it was when he saw Michael’s eyes drop to Alex’s prosthetic before meetings his eyes again, a pointed look on his face. He looked back to Alex in time to see him roll his eyes and let out a sigh but he began to remove the leg anyway. Once it was loose Alex let out a sigh of obvious relief, it seemed as pushy as Michael’s actions were, he clearly knew what Alex needed. 

Forrest looked to Michael who finally seemed satisfied Alex was ok and was reaching for his own food taking a large bite. He caught Forrest’s eye as he chewed and nodded slightly as if to say “That’s how it's done.” Forrest nodded back in fake understanding because he was pretty convinced, he would never be in a position with Alex that he would listen to him like that. 

No that looked like it was a Guerin exclusive thing. 

***** 

Alex and Forrest had been dating for 6 months and having sex for the last 5 but it had only been the last month or so that Alex had agreed to let him spend the night. Alex has claimed it was because he wanted to take their relationship slow and on occasion he would joke and say he didn’t want Forrest to dump him when he found out what a bad snorer he was but Forrest wasn’t buying it. There was clearly something much deeper but Alex wasn’t divulging that information to him any time soon. Forrest wasn’t sure he ever would until it sparked their first argument with Forrest telling Alex that the sex and kick out was making him feel like a hooker before caved. Forrest guessed he should have felt triumph when Alex finally agreed to let him stay but he felt more like he had bullied Alex into it than it being that Alex had decided to take the next step in their relationship. 

It didn’t take long to figure out what Alex’s hang up was, it happened the first night he slept over. He was fast asleep when he was startled out of sit by a noise, in his disorientated state it took him a while to figure out what it was until he heard it again and turned his head to look at his bed partner where the noise had clearly come from. 

Alex was clearly having a nightmare, whimpers and muffled pleas fell from his lips as he thrashed around the bed like he was desperately trying to get away from something. Forrest’s heart broke for his boyfriend, being an ex-service man himself he was no stranger to nightmares that plagued victims of PTSD though he was lucky to never have suffered himself. 

He knew enough to know not to shake Alex awake so he scooted closer to him and gently called his name while reaching out to lightly stroke his hair. 

All that did was make Alex let out a painful sounding whimper. 

“Michael....... please dad no.” 

Forrest’s hand froze in Alex’s hair as his heart let out a painful thud. 

He should have known. 

Forrest had very little time to dwell on that though as the sobs continued to leave his boyfriends lips becoming more and more frantic and it didn’t seem that anything Forrest said or did was making a difference. 

The nightmare seemed to reach its conclusion by itself with Alex bolting upright in bed with such force he nearly threw Forrest out of bed. Alex sat there breath leaving him rapidly, covered in sweat and looking round frantically like he was looking for an invisible enemy to fight or Forrest thought to himself with an irrational stab of hurt confirmation that his love was safe. 

Alex eyes finally landed on him and he looked so confused for a moment before recognition showed on his face.... recognition but not quite happiness or even relief. 

Forrest reached out to touch Alex in comfort to find that was clearly the wrong move. Alex flinched like he had been electrocuted and scrambled to grab his crutches heaving himself up and stumbling to the bathroom telling to Forrest he would be back in a minute. 

Forrest rubbed his hands roughly over his face in frustration and sadness, he wanted to comfort his boyfriend but that didn’t look like it was on the cards, not tonight anyway, maybe in the morning they could talk about it and convince Alex to confide in him. 

Maybe. 

*** 

Or not. 

When Alex had come back to the bedroom Forrest had the sweaty sheets changed to clean ones but as he smiled at Alex and pulled the blankets back inviting him to climb in next to him Alex just gave him a tight smile before telling him apologetically that he was going to watch some tv till he was sleepy again. Forrest made to get up and follow him but Alex insisted he got some sleep; he may have argued but Forrest had the feeling Alex wasn’t so much concerned about his sleep as wanted to be alone. 

Alex didn’t return to bed all night and Alex got very little sleep, when he padded through to the living room in the morning Alex was wide awake staring at the tv with tired eyes. Forrest made coffee and sat down next to Alex asking him if he wanted to talk about last night. Alex tensed next to him and turned away, if he didn’t know better Forrest could have sworn that he actually heard the snap as the metal gate around Alex’s heart slammed shut keeping him on the other side. 

Alex quickly told him there was nothing to talk about, and he was fine before quickly changing the subject making it clear there was nothing to talk about. Forrest may have pushed further but he was tired and he knew Alex was too which wouldn’t make for very much progress so he gave Alex his wishes and pretended it didn’t happen. 

This pattern became the normal for them and for three weeks it happened exactly like this. They would go to bed fine but sometime during the night like clockwork he would wake to Alex thrashing round and crying in his sleep. Sometimes it was his dad that plagued him, sometimes war but one thing was always the same. 

He always cried out for Michael. 

He would never let Forrest comfort him or even touch him and he would leave the bad and never return. In the morning Forrest would try to talk to him and Alex would shut down, it was Groundhog Day, over and over again and Forrest was clueless of what to do. 

As Alex got less and less sleep waking earlier and earlier each night Forrest noticed the obvious changes in him. He looked bone tired, dark circles round his eyes, quieter, more withdrawn, more irritable and really jumpy. Forrest desperately wanted to help but how could he when Alex refused to even acknowledge what was happening? 

Forrest was at a loss as of what to do, he debated confiding in one of Alex friends maybe Liz or Maria but Forrest had no idea if they even knew the extent of Alex struggles and if Alex would want them to know. After a particularly rough night where it seemed Alex was terrified to even close his eyes and in the morning Alex’s eyes seemed almost dead Forrest contemplated calling Michael. 

Something in Forrest told him Alex ex could help, something else in Forrest wouldn’t allow him to do that though and he knew it was selfish motives. Forrest knew getting Michael involved would make him lose Alex all the faster when he was already hanging on to him by his fingertips. 

Forrest could only guess because Alex would not speak to him but he knew even though it was likely Alex had suffered with nightmares for a long time they had been made all the worse by Forrest’s present in his bed for the night. This was something that he did not want to examine too closely however because he was scared for the reasons behind this. All he knew was Alex had never looked this tired and uneasy before then but now he looked like the lack of sleep was going to either kill him or drive him insane. 

The logical thing would be to just go back to how they were before, spending easy fun times together but then him going back to his place at night but Alex had not mentioned it even though Forrest was convinced if he himself suggested it Alex would likely weep in relief. Forrest hadn't because he could see what it was, a huge step back in the relationship, he was desperately trying to build with Alex. A dark part of Forrest also wondered if he maybe was punishing Alex for not wanting to speak to him but that was another thing that Forrest was too scared to examine. 

So, the circle continued Alex not sleeping and them not talking as he watched in silent dismay as Alex got closer and closer to breaking point. 

Until it all came to a spectacular climax. 

*** 

The gang was all here..... again, Forrest thought with a roll of his eyes. They all had filed into Alex’s house early morning the only one apologising for the early hour Max forever the polite boy. It had been on the tip of Forrest’s tongue to tell him that it didn’t matter anyway he had been up for hours and if he was honest, he wasn’t sure Alex had even gone to sleep at all. 

Alex looked terrible, ghostly pale with dark circles around his eyes and rapidly losing weight as he lived off hardly anything but black coffee. 

Michael had entered the house and paused, a deep frown marred his features as he looked at Alex clearly not liking what he saw, his eyebrow raised in question. Rather than their normal heated stare down Alex looked away quickly and Michael’s eyes whipped to meet Forrest’s an accusation clear on his face. It was a dangerous look one that said that if he found out Forrest was behind the way Alex currently looked he would end him. Forrest could do very little but shrug and Michael put his full attention back on Alex who was trying his best to look anywhere but at Michael. 

Max appeared to call the meeting to a start as the group continued to have conversation that once again Forrest was an outsider to. Alex was quite often the centre to these meetings however today he barely said a word and when he did, they were one-word answers. Forrest could see he just hadn't got the energy to even form a sentence, it was heart-breaking to see. 

Michael’s eyes the whole time didn’t leave Alex other than the odd occasion he would look to Forrest with varying looks between questioning and accusing. It made Forrest’s insides knot uncomfortably. 

Then it happened. 

The front door was open to let the small amount of breeze there was in the New Mexico heat in, in the hopes to keep the small, currently largely occupied space fairly cool. Suddenly a deafening bang sounded from outside making everyone jump and a few of the gang cry out in fright. Once his heart had stilled and Forrest had realised it was not likely a threat, he figured it must have been a car backfire. However clearly Alex in his almost delirious with lack of sleep mind couldn’t make that connection. 

The mug of black coffee Alex had been holding slipped from his hands and landed on the floor. Red shards of porcelain scatted over the tile as brown liquid sprayed everywhere causing a few of the gang to jump back to avoid it. 

Forrest stayed put though as the hot coffee seeped into the bottom of his jeans his eyes wide and worried as he took in Alex. 

Alex had jumped back against the kitchen counter so fast Forrest knew that the bottom of his back would be sporting in impressive bruise in a couple of days with how hard he must have hit it. Alex gripped the counter behind him in both hands and Forrest saw them turn white with the effort. It was the look on Alex’s face that scared him though because he looked terrified. His eyes were wide as they darted round looking for the invisible threat that was associated with that loud bang. His breathing was rough and far too quick and Forrest saw he was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. In his own panic and need to comfort his boyfriend Forrest forgot Alex’s number one rule for when he was having an episode and he reached out to place his hand of Alex arm. 

Big mistake. 

Alex jerked like he had been shot away from Forrest almost slipping in the broken pieces of mug and coffee on the floor around him. Forrest was convinced Alex was about to fall and that he would have no choice but to let it happen because Alex would just not let him touch him, but it never happened. 

Michael had stepped forward and grabbed Alex round the waist to steady him uttering Alex’s name in a pained voice. Alex paused for a second as Forrest waited for him to start to fight against Michael’s touch and all hell to break loose. 

It never happened and Forrest didn’t know what was worst because what did happen next hurt him so much more. 

Instead of jerking away Alex let out a desperate cry and threw himself into Michael’s arms. Michael let out a grunt of surprise to have his arms all of a sudden full of a sobbing Alex but he righted himself quickly wrapping his arms securely round his back as Alex gripped the front of Michael’s shirt in a death grip. 

Alex buried his face into Michael’s neck which brought his ear right up to Michael’s mouth. Forrest saw him bend slightly and begin the whisper softly in Alex ear words only meant for him but Forrest was close enough hear. 

“Oh, my baby what’s wrong?” 

Alex’s only answer was to let out a louder chocked sob which made Michael’s eyes widen and visibly tighten his arms around Alex as he continued to whisper soft words of comfort in his ex-boyfriends' ear. 

“It’s ok baby I'm here, whatever it is we will fix it, ill fix it, I promise my darlin I'm not going anywhere.” 

The scene was incredibly intimate and Forrest felt like he was intruding on this moment even though it was his boyfriend. Forrest knew in his mind this scene was wrong, that what Michael was currently doing with Alex was his job but as recent weeks had proven Alex had deemed him redundant and clearly Michael was the only man for this job. 

Yes, Forrest was hurt but this was the most emotion he had seen from Alex in weeks and the hurt was mixed in with guilt because he knew that this may have been avoided and caused Alex less pain if he had been less selfish and gotten Michael’s help before now. 

He watched Michael rock Alex in his arms in the middle of Alex’s kitchen, a place where Forrest had spent the last few months trying to make himself belong and he saw it had been hopeless all along. 

He saw Michael pull back slightly to try to look into Alex’s eyes however Alex let out a small whimper and Forrest saw his knuckles practically turn white as they twisted in Michael’s shirt trying to bring him back to him. Michael relinquished quickly and allowed Alex to bury his face back against his neck. 

“ok baby ok.” 

He whispered gently, one of his hands began to rub soothing circles at the base of Alex’s spine through his T shirt while the other went to her back of his neck to play with the short hairs there. 

Michael shifted them around slightly so that he could stare Forrest down, there was an accusation in his eyes but his voice was calm and controlled likely for Alex benefit as he addressed Forrest. 

“You better tell me what’s going on right now Long before I lose my patience. 

The words were at total odds with the gentle kiss he pressed to Alex’s hairline straight after speaking them. Forrest tried to keep his tone natural as he answered Michael even as his heart pounded and he had to work to make his voice remain steady. 

“Constant nightmares for weeks, he won't talk to me about them, won't even let me touch him after them, won't let me comfort him, he’s barely sleeping, keeps waking up screaming and....” 

He paused not sure why he had started this last bit when it could be the final nail in the coffin for his and Alex’s relationship. 

Michael raised his eyebrows at him in question. 

“And?” he snapped. 

Forrest sighed deeply, what had he got left to lose at this point? 

“He wakes up screaming your name.” 

Forrest waited as Michael paused to take in the new information before he closed his eyes with a devastated look on his face like the fact he was appearing in Alex’s subconscious to haunt his nightmares meant he was to blame. 

Michael placed another kiss to Alex’s head before bending down to whisper in his ear again. 

“Look at me sweetheart.” 

Alex made no move to do so only seeming her bury himself further into Michael’s neck which prompted Michael to slide his hands up to cup both Alex’s cheeks so he could gently separate them. Alex kept his eyes downcast like he was scared of what he may see when he looked at Michael or what Michael would see in him Forrest wasn’t sure which. 

Michael slipped his hand down to Alex’s chin and used two fingers to push it up so Alex had no choice but to meet his eyes. In that moment Forrest had no doubt that as far as the pair were concerned, they were the only two people in the room. Nobody else registered to them, not their friends that were all taking in the scene before them with varying emotions of intrigue, sadness and comfortableness. 

And certainly not Forrest. 

Once there’s eyes met Forrest saw Michael take a moment to take in Alex’s face frowning deeply at what he saw. Michael reached up to run his thumb tenderly over one of the circles under Alex’s eye like he could magically rub it away. 

“Oh baby.” 

He whispered gently. 

“You look so tired; you need to sleep.” 

Alex let out a small hiccupping sob and pressed his face further into Michael’s hand like Michael’s touch was the only thing keeping his from blowing to pieces like the destroyed coffee mug on the floor and Forrest believed that wasn’t far from the truth. Alex’s voice cracked at he spoke to Michael’s in a whisper. 

“I’m so tired...... but every time I close my eyes......” 

Alex trailed off as his voice broke and Forrest saw Michael nob in understanding making a sympathetic noise as he used his thumbs to wipe more of Alex’s tears away. 

“Want me to come lay down with you?” 

Alex sucked in a breath at Michael’s offer and for the first time since he had entered Michael’s arms his eyes darted to Forrest. Forrest wished he could take it as a sign that Alex wanted it to be him to hold him as he slept but that was simply not the case. Forrest knew Alex desperately wanted Michael to be the one to keep his demons away as he got the sleep he needed, but he felt guilty because his supposed boyfriend was right there. 

Alex said nothing but he could see the silent plea in his eyes as he looked at Michael, begging him to understand but not make him say the words. Forrest decided to throw his boyfriend a lifeline. 

“Alex, you should go.” 

Forrest felt that all eyes in the room had suddenly landed on him like he was under a spotlight. The words were his but that did not mean they didn’t cause him pain, but it was a sacrifice he had to make for the good of his boyfriend, to place him in the care of another when he could not help him even if that could mean he would lose Alex to that person forever. He took a deep breath before he spoke again. 

“It’s ok Alex, you need to sleep before you get sick and if he can help with that you should let him.” 

Michael shot him a look of respect as Alex chocked out a thank you in his direction as he turned back to Michael, the pair stated into each other's eyes before Alex let out one word in a pitiful whimper. 

“Please.” 

That made Michael spring into action, taking Alex’s hand in his and lacing their fingers together as he led him slowly and carefully over to his bedroom. The pair disappeared inside and the door closed with a click that was deafening in the silence of the room. Everyone stayed motionless like they were waiting for Forrest to make his next move but even he didn’t know what that should be. He sighed deeply and pressed his fingers into his eyes, he too was exhausted. 

He felt a hand on his arm and opened his eyes to see Isobel standing in front of him. She didn’t say a word just smiled at him sadly and gave his arm a squeeze before moving to grab a broom to clean up the broken mug on the floor that now seemed like a metaphor for his and Alex’s relationship. 

He felt oddly comforted by the gesture. 

***** 

Three hours later and Forrest had run out of things to do. Everyone else had left not long after Alex and Michael had disappeared into the bedroom. Forrest tried not to read too much into the obvious looks of piny on their faces that his boyfriend was currently being cuddled asleep by his ex-boyfriend. He had made the mistake of meeting Maria’s eyes, wasn’t pity from her but understanding. Of course, Forrest thought, she and Michael had dated, he wondered if she had dealt with similar situations when they were together, situations where it was blaringly obvious that her boyfriend shared a bond with someone that that paled in comparison to the one, she had with him. 

He had cleaned Alex’s place, done the dishes, done some work and even taken a much-needed nap. In that time, he looked frequently towards Alex’s bedroom like he could somehow develop x-ray vision and see what was going on beyond the solid wood. 

Not a sound came from the room which gave Forrest no choice but to let his imagine run wild as to what the handsome cowboy and his boyfriend may be doing in that room. Forrest decided his best option would be to go home and give Alex a few days but he needed to check and see if Alex was ok first. 

Forrest took a deep breath and walked over to the bedroom door bracing himself before knocking very softly and entering. 

The scene he was greeted with was heart breakingly tender. 

Both men lay in the middle of Alex’s bed, shoes had been removed along with Michael’s jacket and the one way to describe them was entwined. They faced each other with their faces close, Alex’s good leg tangled with Michael's, Forrest noticed his prophetic had been removed. With one hand Alex gripped Michael’s shirt still like he was scared he would leave him at any minute, the other hand was laced with one of Michael’s. Michael’s other hand drew random patterns on Alex’s back through his T shirt. 

And Alex was sound asleep. Forrest took this in with equal parts relief and despair. 

When he entered Michael’s, eyes flew to him and he gently but reluctantly began to slightly shift away from Alex, it was a small gesture of respect for Forrest which in the grand scheme of things was now a little redundant in the certain circumstances but Forrest appreciated it non the less. 

Forrest held his hands out and spoke in an urgent whisper so not to disturb the sleeping man on the bed. 

“No don’t get up, I'd rather you not disturb him, he's not slept in so long and this is the most peaceful I've seen him in ….... well ever.” 

As if to prove his point Alex began to shift on the bed like he had sensed in his sleep that Michael was moving away from him. He let out a whimper which may or may not have been Michael’s name and Forrest saw the hand in Michael’s shirt twist in a desperate attempt to keep Michael with him. 

Michael scooted back to Alex wrapping his arm back around him and leaning down to gently whisper in his ear. 

“Ssshhh baby I'm here.” 

Michael’s voice appeared to calm Alex instantly and he stilled letting out a contented sigh as he remained asleep. 

Neither he or Michael spoke for a while and Forrest made his way over to the chair in Alex’s bedroom and sat down regarding Michael with a raised eyebrow. Michael stated back just as unwavering. 

“You have something you want to say to me?” 

Michael threw at him in a quiet voice, things needed to be said but both men's priority was still not to disturb Alex. 

Forrest remained quiet for a few more beats wondering how to start before he decided the direct approach was best. 

“Do you love him?” 

The words hung in the air like they were suspended and Forrest looked closely at Michael’s reaction but saw very little he could work with. His voice was casual as he replied void of any indication of how he was feeling. 

“And I should answer that why?” 

Forrest let out a scoff, there was that arrogance everyone spoke about. 

“Because you are currently laying on a bed I often frequent holding my boyfriend as he sleeps when it's all I've wanted to do for the last month, because I have clearly unbeknown to me walked into something messy as fuck and I think I'm owed knowing just how messy that is.” 

Michael regarded him for a moment before shrugging slightly. 

“You asked Alex?” 

“Of course.” 

Forrest replied. 

“And what did he say?” 

Forrest exhaled in frustration before answering, hoping he wouldn’t just be met with another question. 

“He gave me a brief background of you guys then told me you were done, that you were both moving on.” 

Michael’s eyes drifted down to a sleeping Alex, bringing his hand up to absentmindedly stroke his hair before he answered. 

“So, you have your answer, what do you want from me?” 

“I want to hear it from you.” 

Forrest snapped his voice raised slightly, Michael threw him a warning look, one that said if he woke Alex he would have him to deal with and for how frustrated he felt he felt a stab of guilt which turned to relief when Alex didn’t even stir. He took a deep breath before addressing the cowboy again forcing his voice to be calmer, more collected. 

“Are you and Alex done?” 

Michael paused his eyes boring into Forrest before he answered. 

“Well we aren't together.” 

“That’s not an answer.” 

Forrest said tiredly, fingers coming up to attempt to rub the tention out his temples. 

“It's the only one you're getting from me.” 

If Michael’s tone hadn't signalled the end of the conversation the way he put his full attention back on Alex would have. It was clearly not just an invitation but a request for him to leave. A huge part of Forrest wanted to be defiant at the audacity that he was practically being told to leave his boyfriends room by his ex-boyfriend but he hadn't got the energy nor did he any longer see the point. 

His relationship with Alex had one foot in the grave and the other one slipping he though sadly. 

Forrest rose to his feet with a sigh and made his way over to the bedroom door opening it as quietly as possible before turning one last time to address Michael. 

“I’m going home, when he wakes tell him he can text me if he wants but I'm going to stay there to give him the opportunity to rest.” 

Michael gave a small nod in acknowledgement but he didn’t look back to Forrest, too busy running the back of his fingers down Alex’s cheek smiling slightly when he sighed gently in his sleep. The sight under any other circumstances, between any other pair would have made him smile too. 

He left Alex’s house with that last scene burnet unto his brain, Michael had not answered any of Forrest’s questions but he had told him all he needed to know. 

And now Forrest knew what he needed to do. 

*** 

It was three days before Forrest next saw Alex and since his meltdown in his own kitchen the couple had had very little communication other than the evening of the day he left Alex had sent him a quick message with just one word. 

“Sorry.” 

Forrest had replied telling him it was ok, to just rest and he meant it, the last part anyway. It had been Forrest who had text first which was sad but expected, he had asked Alex to meet him at the Pony. 

When he arrived there Alex was already there sitting at a table nursing the beer in front of him. Forrest was happy to see he was alone because he was in no mood to make small talk with Alex’s friends. 

He was half way to the table when Alex noticed him coming, smiling in acknowledgement. Forrest took in Alex’s appearance, he looked better, really good compared to the last time he saw him. The dark circles under his eyes were gone and he looked less pale, he looked rested, Forrest was glad. 

Alex stood to greet him as he reached the table, moving to embrace him, Forrest took it but he couldn’t ignore that the action was very stiff, almost forced. 

He sat down and Alex pushed the second beer at the table in front of him Forrest he was only now noticing ir was there. He took it gratefully taking a long gulp of the cold liquid enjoying how it slightly settled his nerves. 

They sat in silence for a moment not looking at each other as Forrest racked his brain for a place to start, he was saved by Alex who spoke first his voice sad. 

“It’s over isn't it?” 

Forrest smiled sadly, raising his eyes to Alex’s. 

“Yeah it is.” 

He answered simply. 

Alex let out a sigh and Forrest didn’t know if it was in relief or sadness. 

“Your amazing Alex and I don’t know under different circumstances we could maybe have been great together but I won't be a placeholder, I won't live in his shadow.” 

It wasn’t said cruelly just truthfully and Alex didn’t have to Ask who he was referring to. Alex nodded in understanding; Forrest was relieved that Alex wasn’t trying to argue what he already knew, it made this so much simpler. His voice was thick as he spoke to Forrest. 

“I never meant to hurt you Forrest, I honestly didn’t and I really wanted to try with us, it's just......” 

Alex paused and Forrest finished for him. 

“I’m not him, and that’s ok. Hey being second best to a love like you two have isn't bad going, it's just not enough for me.” 

He reached over and took Alex’s hand giving it a squeeze in understanding, some may think he was crazy being the one trying to comfort Alex but he wasn’t angry with his now ex-lover just sad. 

Forrest caught a movement in the corner of his eye and he looked to the door confirming it was what he was waiting for. 

“Speaking of which.” 

Forrest said gently gesturing with a nod to the entrance of the bar. 

Alex followed Forrest's gaze and the breath hitched in his throat, Forrest watched as the two men locked eyes and that familiar look that was always between them snapped into place. A look Forrest now recognised as longing. 

Alex eye’s flicked to Forrest in confusion. 

“I asked him to come.” 

Forrest confirmed with a shrug. 

The confusion on Alex’s face deepened making Forrest inwardly roll his eyes. 

“Go to him Alex.” 

He told him gently. 

Alex made no move but his eyes left Forrest to go to back to Michael, the pair locked eyes again and continued with that silent conversation they both seemed to have whenever they were in each other's presence. 

Alex hesitated his voice sad as he spoke to Forrest though his eyes never left Michael. 

“It’s not our time, I don’t know if it ever will be.” 

Forrest let out a bark of laughter his voice full of amusement as he spoke. 

“So, what you think the gods have some sort of timer counting down to zero giving the pair of you permission to get your act together?” 

Forrest hoped that Alex heard from his statement just how stupid it sounded when put into simple terms. Forrest signed before continuing. 

“Take control of your own path Alex, both of you, take it from the guy that has had to watch for the last few months what he doesn’t measure up to in your eyes, for you, for him anything less that the pair of you is a waste of time.” 

Alex looked full of shame and he opened his mouth but Forrest got there before him. 

“I'm not looking for you to feel bad Alex and I don’t need an apology just..... don’t let all this we went through be in vein, stop waiting for some magic sign, the way you both feel that’s the sign.” 

Alex said nothing for a long while as he looked to be turning the words over in his mind. Forrest honestly thought he was going to have to do more convincing when Alex squeezed his hand one last time before silently raising and slowly making his way to Michael. Forrest saw Michael watch Alex approach, never taking his eyes off him. When Alex was right in front of him he saw the pair exchange a few words which he could not hear before Michael gave a small nod. 

Michael opened his arms and Alex walked into them, they encased each other and just stood there holding on with their eyes closed, oblivious of the fact they were in the middle of a crowded bar. 

Despite the sadness he felt for the end of his time with Alex Forrest smiled at the sight. His work was done so he got to his feet and shrugged his jacket on before making his way to the exit. Hand on the door he couldn’t help but turn back one last time. 

He took in the bitter sweet sight of the lovers in each other's arms, Michael cupping both Alex cheeks and Alex arms wrapped round the cowboy’s neck as they tenderly kissed. 

Forrest felt an odd sense of satisfaction at the sight as he tuned and left the Pony and Alex Manes behind. 

**** 

Forrest didn’t see Alex for six months after that though he was not avoiding him. He went to open mic night at the pony each week but he never saw Michael, call him a masochist but he kind of wanted to know how he and Michael was doing. 

He was sitting at a table watching a mediocre singer on stage when he happened to glance to the door to see Michael and Alex entre the bar hand in hand. For all his thoughts of wanting to see how the couple were doing now they were in front on him he wasn’t sure how to approach the situation whether he should engage, ignore or flee. 

He was spared thinking about it any longer when Alex spotted him. He paused for a moment clearly deciding if he should feel awkward about seeing Forrest or not before he raised his hand in greeting, Forrest raised his beer to him in reply. 

He saw Alex turn to Michael and say something which made Michael’s eyes shoot to Forrest in reply. Michael paused before nodding his head in understanding, lifting Alex’s hand to his mouth and kissing the back of it before letting go and heading towards the bar but not before he tipped his hat to Forrest in acknowledgement. It was possibly the most positive interaction he had ever had with Michael and Forrest got the feeling that it wasn’t just a greeting but an acknowledgement of Forrest’s part in pushing Alex towards him. 

Alex made his way towards Forrest and he had the chance to check him out. Alex looked good, really good. He had put on weight; he was fresh faced and his eyes were glowing...... he looked happy. 

Alex met him with a smile his voice soft as he spoke. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi yourself.” 

He answered returning Alex’s smile before continuing. 

“You look good.... Damn it.” 

His voice was teasing, no resentment in it and Alex laughed in response. 

“Seriously, you look happy.” 

His voice held sincerity and Alex smiled even brighter. 

“I am.” 

He said softly, turning to look towards the bar to Michael, the cowboy seemed to sense he was being watched because he turned from where he was learning on the bar waiting for his turn to turn towards Alex, winking at his boyfriend before turning back to give Maria his order. 

Forrest watched Alex practically melt on the spot, his voice becoming impossibly softer as he looked at his lover. 

“He makes me so happy.” 

Forrest nodded in understanding because no truer words had been spoken than the ones that finally fell so easily from Alex’s lips. 

As it turns out Forrest didn’t mind being supporting role in one of the most epic love stories ever told.


End file.
